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| I am happy tonight. I haven't been consistently happy for a long while.
Thank you for indulging my cravings tonight.
It's not something new and something different that intrigues me. | | |
| A week from today, it will be S' first year anniversary. I dreamt of him once but I couldn't remember anything after.
Just like how I dreamt of my beloved granny and I couldn't remember anything about it after. April 27, the first year anniversary. 3 days short of my birthday, every year for the rest of my life.
Dates, how significant yet unsignificant they can be. Every single day of the calendar, is significant to somebody else. Sept 9th, is the latest most significant date penned in my moleskine aside from the many others.
The 'Atsuko syndrome' is not applicable anymore. | | |
| I know I'm finally happy now. Perhaps in a parallel universe, things would have unravelled differently. Perhaps it wouldn't be such an uphill struggle for the both of 'yous'. I have obligations I have to fulfill at the end of the day.
I just ended our 3 hr long conversation. I said I would go to bed but I had to put this down somewhere.
To say the least, there is a pothole in my stomach everytime I run that scenario through my head. The assurances meant something but I have a very active mind. It was such a simple request -no doubts bout it, but the layers to peel off after, wouldn't be a pretty sight.
Perhaps I've kept my heart under lock and key for far too long. I can see that yours is blue. I look forward to you at the end of my day. I seek comfort that you're there. As unconventional as the situation may be, I meant what I said tonight.
10 yrs later.
60 feet, 39 boards. :) | | |
| i changed my status tonight. im not sure how to feel but i am definitely upset. Colin came to get me and brought me to jurong for prawning session. 3hours. It did cheer me up though i didnt do any prawning. i couldnt bear the thought of killing an innocent life for my entertainment. we caught 2. colin bbqed both and i had 1. i know, im such a hypocrite. i prayed for the prawn before colin speared him with the stick. I'm so thankful for friends who have been keeping me company for the past few weeks. though i know i've probably pissed off a few friends in the process of grieving for my r/s but im thankful nonetheless. i suggested the break up. i asked for it. i had no one to blame but myself entirely for this one big emotional mess that im in now. i miss him. terribly. i havent been able to let go as easily as i thought i would. i've never been able to let any of my rs go contrary to what some of my exes think. i'll always miss them terribly for a while before loosening my grip, slowly. by far, this one is one of the toughest. it was also a good r/s but maybe i screwed it up. i dont know. typing all this out now, hasnt made me feel any better. without a doubt, im still waiting by the side. i still want him, knowing that someone better might come along and do a better job than he did but there is something special about this man. i've been isolating myself from a lot of things. i havent stepped into town for a month over. every inch of town reminds me of him and us. i still hurt inside over my stupid decision but i know, i prob deserve it. | | |
| Hail Mary, full of grace,our Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen. | | |
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